Sunday, August 31, 2008
Wondering... Wandering...
"Silently we wander... Into this void of consequence."
"Suddenly we wonder, in search of truth and confidence. So many hopes were lost here..."
I visited my friend yesterday in the hospital... Rushed down from camp and went straight to TTSH. When i saw her, she was with her family and she was smiling at me in embarrassment. We were talking... And she suddenly said something so random, but somehow kept me thinking... She said "Eh Jeff... I dun understand la... Why you're so sweet, but you're still single? I really dun understand sia..." It sounded like some stupid random question. But somehow, it set me thinking about it. The more i think about it, the more it made sense. It was a good question. Majidah made me realise how good a friend i can be. I'm satisfied. So far, she's the only one who recognises my ability as a friend. She keeps saying that i'm a sweet friend, which is really sweet of her.
Maybe i look like some bad guy? Well, most people do judge from the first impression. Prejudice. I don't mind that. I'm happy being my true self. But i think that isn't the answer. Maybe i just gave up on relationship life after the previous one? Perhaps. The fear is still there. The "fall" from that very split second when she left me... That fear was more than what i could put into words. I'm afraid of being hurt. I no longer am the guy who dared to take risks, but only to seek solace in people around me. That term "people" is very limited. There's only a few whom i can talk to. Because there's only a few who knows me well enough. I don't talk much even to my bunk mates. Sometimes, when they're happily chatting, i just sit at one corner and do my own things. I don't know. I feel that i'm sort of regaining back that "introvert" side of me again. I would think that being an introvert knows no pain, no sorrow, but also no happiness. Sometimes its good to be neutral, than to have ups and downs right? Maybe so... I don't know.
Right now, i don't know wat im feeling. I only know, that i don't feel good. Hope this feeling will disappear soon. I wanna be happy. Really. I've just been trying to look happy. Thats all.
I hope i made HER feel better, or at least made her smile. She wasn't in a good mood just now due to some problems. I hope i was of some help. And secondly, she was infected by some virus which caused her illness. Anyways, get well soon babe....
Those are just my thoughts. No comments nor concern is needed. I just needed to tell those to someone. I couldn't find any, so i thought this blog would be my "listening ear".
My mind is going berserk. Thats all.
"Suddenly we wonder, in search of truth and confidence. So many hopes were lost here..."
I visited my friend yesterday in the hospital... Rushed down from camp and went straight to TTSH. When i saw her, she was with her family and she was smiling at me in embarrassment. We were talking... And she suddenly said something so random, but somehow kept me thinking... She said "Eh Jeff... I dun understand la... Why you're so sweet, but you're still single? I really dun understand sia..." It sounded like some stupid random question. But somehow, it set me thinking about it. The more i think about it, the more it made sense. It was a good question. Majidah made me realise how good a friend i can be. I'm satisfied. So far, she's the only one who recognises my ability as a friend. She keeps saying that i'm a sweet friend, which is really sweet of her.
Maybe i look like some bad guy? Well, most people do judge from the first impression. Prejudice. I don't mind that. I'm happy being my true self. But i think that isn't the answer. Maybe i just gave up on relationship life after the previous one? Perhaps. The fear is still there. The "fall" from that very split second when she left me... That fear was more than what i could put into words. I'm afraid of being hurt. I no longer am the guy who dared to take risks, but only to seek solace in people around me. That term "people" is very limited. There's only a few whom i can talk to. Because there's only a few who knows me well enough. I don't talk much even to my bunk mates. Sometimes, when they're happily chatting, i just sit at one corner and do my own things. I don't know. I feel that i'm sort of regaining back that "introvert" side of me again. I would think that being an introvert knows no pain, no sorrow, but also no happiness. Sometimes its good to be neutral, than to have ups and downs right? Maybe so... I don't know.
Right now, i don't know wat im feeling. I only know, that i don't feel good. Hope this feeling will disappear soon. I wanna be happy. Really. I've just been trying to look happy. Thats all.
I hope i made HER feel better, or at least made her smile. She wasn't in a good mood just now due to some problems. I hope i was of some help. And secondly, she was infected by some virus which caused her illness. Anyways, get well soon babe....
Those are just my thoughts. No comments nor concern is needed. I just needed to tell those to someone. I couldn't find any, so i thought this blog would be my "listening ear".
My mind is going berserk. Thats all.
Comments:
Post a Comment
