Friday, May 05, 2006
Sometimes....
Yea.. Call me a petty mother-fucker, sensitive bastard or a timid prick. Whatever. Fuck...
I really dun like it man. I hate it. You know wat? I'd rather u bring down my pride down to zero than doing that. Oh... And perhaps, kill me. Better still, Smack me hard till i bleed. The feeling of that, is worse than all these shit. Why? The pain goes directly to my heart. Ya ya... I LOOK like i'm OK with it ma... So can continue lor. Come on la. Everyone has their weak points. Its juz that, i HAVE ALOT of weak points to make me feel down, hurt and depressed. Yes. Call me a weakling. "Doing stupid things juz to hurt people without knowing/feeling it." To some, they have been thru it. And its juz now their turn to disturb people. Why? Dun ask me sia.. As if i'm God... You know how it feels, yes. But do u stop it, or do u "pass on" the feeling to others? Sometimes i wish i am of someone stronger. Why? Cos i always break down whenever shit like this happens. Fuck. No one knows man. Who fucking does?
Sometimes i wish i had nothing, TOTALLY NOTHING. Why? Cos only that way, i would have NOTHING to worry about. Could lead a carefree life. Oh yeah... Poverty. But, some people are still able to survive that way. I'm sick of it all man... Some times i wish i could juz relay to others how i feel, but... Oh yea... i did. But nothing's changed. I cannot take it anymore. Please la.
Seriously... I treat u guys so much as frens whom i trust and all. Wat do i get? Irritation. Picture a scenario. You ask me whether u can borrow my phone. I said yes, due to the trust. And den who knows wat u're doing, tampering with my phone, take my gf's number or wat, take her pic, take wateva shit. Now... DO YOU THINK THE TRUST IS STILL THERE? Think about it. Yea some people can laugh at it. I PERSONALLY DO NOT FIND IT FUNNY. Everyday i wake up hoping for a better day. But fucking no. Yes i cannot take all these shit. I used to have zero patience in that sense. Its juz that all these time... I've been bearing it in me...
Girlfriends... Oh yes. As i have mentioned before. U can kill me, bring my pride down to zero, but DO NOT, EVER joke with ANYTHING that has got to do with my girl, or use any words against my girl. Oh fucking no... Discribed as dog?
Come on la. If other people do this to u, would u like it? Oh on the surface, "i'm ok wat... its juz a joke" Not everyone takes it that way. I tell u... NO one like it that way. Face it. Dun bury your feelings or even try covering it up. And wat, taking people's Gf's number juz to spike them la... wat more la... wat la... "You are who u are, when the lights are out and when you're alone." Dont do to people wat u dun like people to do unto you. Oh again... U might say, "its fine with me wat..." DEN I might say AGAIN, "Not everyone is the same..."
"Only the strong survive" eh? Meaning the strong can go around and disturb the weaker ones la? To be honest with you la ok... I am afraid of you at times. Why? I've been hurt too much ar. I try to keep myself shut juz to try not to kena as much. I can't be myself. Neither am i putting on a mask infront of you guys. I juz "quiet-en" myself down. To be honest also, SOMETIMES i dun feel respected. No matter who tries to say wat, i believe in my own words. Period for that. Other people never kena as much, but why me? Oh cos i'm funny to disturb ma. Now now now... Am i your friend (as one would claim), or am i your clown? This is how i feel... I'm more of a clown than a friend. One might say, that i'm juz "bringing you down to a low-level". Haha. I never meant that. A friend who's with me for god-damned years would know. You think you know me? If the answer is NO, den dun even bother talking to me about these stuffs.
True, without you guys, i wouldn't have gotten so far. But come to think about this, issit "a price to pay" for me to have come this far? Feels like it leh... How ar. Stressed sia... Oh no... I dunno wat to do... Somebody please help me. Ohhhhh. I tell you wat. By bringing down these pain is already helping me ar. If not, like i said also, dun bother talking to me about these stuffs. Hehe... Last time, i was "sulking"... Hohoho... Not only cos of the pressure that was given to me on that day. Honestly, it was all compiled up, and exceeded my limits that i could take. Wat to do... If it ever exceeds my limit again, i dunno wat to do also.
Things that i dun like anyone to do : Pulling my hair, irritating/disturbing me when i'm concentrating on something (Eg. Enjoying my ciggarette, eating meals...) Giving me physical pain on purpose (Except physical TRAINING, cos its not counted)... These are so bullshit to me...
Note : This is not directed to anyone. Like i said in my very fucking first post, "This is my punching bag".
I really dun like it man. I hate it. You know wat? I'd rather u bring down my pride down to zero than doing that. Oh... And perhaps, kill me. Better still, Smack me hard till i bleed. The feeling of that, is worse than all these shit. Why? The pain goes directly to my heart. Ya ya... I LOOK like i'm OK with it ma... So can continue lor. Come on la. Everyone has their weak points. Its juz that, i HAVE ALOT of weak points to make me feel down, hurt and depressed. Yes. Call me a weakling. "Doing stupid things juz to hurt people without knowing/feeling it." To some, they have been thru it. And its juz now their turn to disturb people. Why? Dun ask me sia.. As if i'm God... You know how it feels, yes. But do u stop it, or do u "pass on" the feeling to others? Sometimes i wish i am of someone stronger. Why? Cos i always break down whenever shit like this happens. Fuck. No one knows man. Who fucking does?
Sometimes i wish i had nothing, TOTALLY NOTHING. Why? Cos only that way, i would have NOTHING to worry about. Could lead a carefree life. Oh yeah... Poverty. But, some people are still able to survive that way. I'm sick of it all man... Some times i wish i could juz relay to others how i feel, but... Oh yea... i did. But nothing's changed. I cannot take it anymore. Please la.
Seriously... I treat u guys so much as frens whom i trust and all. Wat do i get? Irritation. Picture a scenario. You ask me whether u can borrow my phone. I said yes, due to the trust. And den who knows wat u're doing, tampering with my phone, take my gf's number or wat, take her pic, take wateva shit. Now... DO YOU THINK THE TRUST IS STILL THERE? Think about it. Yea some people can laugh at it. I PERSONALLY DO NOT FIND IT FUNNY. Everyday i wake up hoping for a better day. But fucking no. Yes i cannot take all these shit. I used to have zero patience in that sense. Its juz that all these time... I've been bearing it in me...
Girlfriends... Oh yes. As i have mentioned before. U can kill me, bring my pride down to zero, but DO NOT, EVER joke with ANYTHING that has got to do with my girl, or use any words against my girl. Oh fucking no... Discribed as dog?
Come on la. If other people do this to u, would u like it? Oh on the surface, "i'm ok wat... its juz a joke" Not everyone takes it that way. I tell u... NO one like it that way. Face it. Dun bury your feelings or even try covering it up. And wat, taking people's Gf's number juz to spike them la... wat more la... wat la... "You are who u are, when the lights are out and when you're alone." Dont do to people wat u dun like people to do unto you. Oh again... U might say, "its fine with me wat..." DEN I might say AGAIN, "Not everyone is the same..."
"Only the strong survive" eh? Meaning the strong can go around and disturb the weaker ones la? To be honest with you la ok... I am afraid of you at times. Why? I've been hurt too much ar. I try to keep myself shut juz to try not to kena as much. I can't be myself. Neither am i putting on a mask infront of you guys. I juz "quiet-en" myself down. To be honest also, SOMETIMES i dun feel respected. No matter who tries to say wat, i believe in my own words. Period for that. Other people never kena as much, but why me? Oh cos i'm funny to disturb ma. Now now now... Am i your friend (as one would claim), or am i your clown? This is how i feel... I'm more of a clown than a friend. One might say, that i'm juz "bringing you down to a low-level". Haha. I never meant that. A friend who's with me for god-damned years would know. You think you know me? If the answer is NO, den dun even bother talking to me about these stuffs.
True, without you guys, i wouldn't have gotten so far. But come to think about this, issit "a price to pay" for me to have come this far? Feels like it leh... How ar. Stressed sia... Oh no... I dunno wat to do... Somebody please help me. Ohhhhh. I tell you wat. By bringing down these pain is already helping me ar. If not, like i said also, dun bother talking to me about these stuffs. Hehe... Last time, i was "sulking"... Hohoho... Not only cos of the pressure that was given to me on that day. Honestly, it was all compiled up, and exceeded my limits that i could take. Wat to do... If it ever exceeds my limit again, i dunno wat to do also.
Things that i dun like anyone to do : Pulling my hair, irritating/disturbing me when i'm concentrating on something (Eg. Enjoying my ciggarette, eating meals...) Giving me physical pain on purpose (Except physical TRAINING, cos its not counted)... These are so bullshit to me...
Note : This is not directed to anyone. Like i said in my very fucking first post, "This is my punching bag".
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